After dropping my son off for school this morning, I had one of those moments where the mundane and routine of life sparks the image of something more spiritual. This blog-inspiring moment took place among a clone army of suburbia SUVs leaving the school grounds.
At the exit point after drop-off, those turning left onto the two-lane road back to town are met with several challenges at one time. Looking right, the aforementioned SUVs pouring out one after another in the right turn lane block everything. When there are momentary glimpses of daylight, you are met with the sun perfectly blinding your vision. Waiting for the moment when everything is aligned to actually see the road, then you have to hope that in that moment there is an opening between the parade of other cars trying to drop off elementary school students in one building and middle school students 200 yards away in another building. And usually, that opening lasts seconds and requires gunning your engine from off a slope while holding your breath wondering if you missed something.
I don’t live in the suburbs (I’m a heart of the city kind of guy). I’ve only recently have been forced to deal with suburbia a few days a week again. This is due for deceptive reasons I’m still processing and finding more about in hindsight (unfortunately) and can’t yet discuss the situation in a public forum (and may only be able to “symbolically” discuss in the future). For those of you living in suburbs, I don’t mean to criticize you or your lifestyle. There are positives, especially if you desire to portray the typical American family image and live it the way society tells you that you must in order to meet its stamp of approval. That’s not always a bad thing for peace of mind, security and some of the benefits of life outside the city.
Seriously, if you are a suburbanite, please take no offense. It’s all good. We are all different and what works for some doesn’t work for others. I get that and “my way” is not “the only way.” Who knows, maybe I’ll be forced back to the suburbs some day (please God, NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!).
Suburbs are just not for me. I always feel a “keeping up with the Joneses” attitude in suburbia. Everything seems about fitting into to symbolic roles culture has told us we need to fit into for acceptance. And so much of it seems plastic and fake. Nothing stands out. Same strip malls. Same chain businesses. Everyone driving the same cars, wearing the same clothes, doing the same social activities — all to make sure they fit in and most importantly, that they don’t stand out. You definitely DO NOT want to stand out in suburbia. If you don’t do things the way everyone else does in suburbia, you will be viewed as a freak. (Hint: I must be a freak)
In such a setting and mindset, you often don’t truly get a feel of what is behind all the “sameness” of that kind of existence. Does one neighbor really look any different than the next? Does one life really appear any different than the next? It’s like being on an inspection assembly line of GI Joes and Barbie Dolls…one after another…check…check…check…approved…approved…oops, flaw here, so discard…check…check.
The goal of suburbia seems to be to fit in versus standing out and being unique (not for attention-getting motivation which is annoying, but in simply being who you really are). When in suburbia, I sense this fear of being original…fear of appearing different or doing things different from the established routine because of what your peers might think. Life looks like a formula from a textbook. Do this, do that and make sure it looks like this and looks like that so people view you as successful, a good parent to your kids, having the “proper family image,” etc. It reminds me of the insistence in the business world that you can only be respected for your ability as a businessman if you wear a coat-and-tie or fancy suit. Who thought of that as the mandatory corporate uniform? It would be a lot more comfortable and a lot less expensive if tee shirts and shorts/jeans with flip flops were the norm. And what a wonderful world that would be!!!!!!
Sadly, I see a lot of that assembly line, “make sure you fit in” mindset in the church. I’m not going to launch into an attack on legalism because I think legalistic mindsets bury themselves. They don’t need help in pointing out the flaws of religion versus relationship.
I’m talking about the same kind of Christian I was for many years.
If you know anything about me and can sense a common theme in much of what I write, it is in the word “authenticity.” Being authentic, in the good and bad of who we are, is more important to me than anything else. The worst thing you can call me is a fake, fraud or liar. Call me anything else and I’m not bothered. Dislike me, fine…just dislike me for reasons about me that are true. Question my authenticity or dislike (or even like!) me for reasons that are false and you will be in for a lengthy debate. I admit to a serious problem with desiring truth to be revealed in a world of deception, manipulation and image protection (both spiritual and in standard worldly matters). I’m trying to let that desire go and learn how to place more of my emotions and reactions into God’s sovereignty and providence in the midst of unfair situations (see previous blog).
Being authentic doesn’t mean being perfect and doesn’t mean always being right. It just means being honest and willing to see where you are wrong, but to also fight for what you know is right when facts are on your side. Every single one of us has flaws. Every single one of us has room to grow. Every single one of us has something unique to our makeup.
Being authentic means a willingness to step off the assembly line of expectation and simply be who you are. But it also means, in a very deceptive and inauthentic world, you will experience grief in most circles when you fight for it.
The problem I see can be found in churches of every kind. It astounds me when I read surveys that say a huge majority of Americans believe in God and even consider themselves “Christian.” Wow. Seriously? I mean, look around modern culture. If America was a nation made up of that kind of majority claiming to be followers of Christ, there is no way our nation would look the way it does. To be honest, those professing the “Christian” faith more often than not look just like the rest of the world.
I believe this high percentage is due to the definition of being a “Christian” these days from many of those that claim it. It seemingly means going to a church at least every once in awhile enough to be considered a “regular attender,” having more of a familiarity with the Bible stories of our youth than anything else, and being a “good person” by however we define that ourselves (you know — not committing those “major” sins).
But I think that’s where the SUV blocks our vision or the sun distracts from the truth of the situation. There is more to authentic faith than simply holding the “appearance” of being a good person who believes the basic stories of the God simply most associated with America. Faith is not an assembly line of sameness. It is a hodgepodge mixture of many differences with people on varying parts of the journey at any given time.
Being unique and standing out IS okay. That is how God made us — each in His image, but uniquely formed and shaped for His purpose. And that purpose is nothing without everyone else, for everything God does in our life is not for us, but for His people (i.e. — the world which means every corner of the Earth). Looking at faith that way changes everything, doesn’t it? It makes the mindset of comfort and fitting in without risking the vulnerability of being authentic feel kind of pointless.
By no means does the spiritual community I have come to make my home (The Gathering at Life in Deep Ellum) have everything right. We are filled with flaws and broken people. We do not have the formula for church down to a science nor do we think we know how to do things better than everyone else. In fact, we don’t even use the word church because the world’s interpretation of it has come to represent something entirely different from what Christ intended or what we want to reflect. We are a community of people on different parts of the journey, but with one desire and focus — to know God more intimately and share that journey with others, regardless of where they are, who they are and where they are going.
At the heart of The Gathering community are the following “signposts”:
1) We all have issues.
2) We all need Jesus. (i.e. — “the stumbling block”, 1 Corinthians 1:21-25)
3) We all need to be loved.
4) We all need to love.
5) We all have a destiny.
6) We all are in process.
I kind of like that freedom within community and away from the cookie cutter mold “church” has too often become in an effort to keep things safe, comfortable and like everything else so we make sure we fit in with peer expectations.
Our faith is what makes us stand out when we are living it to the fullest. It’s not easy and potholes (and SUVs and blaring sun..lol) are everywhere knocking us off the road we are destined to travel. True and authentic faith involves navigating a lot of things preventing us from where we need to be and who God made us to become.
Molding yourself into “sameness” will not get you to the place of freedom God desires for everyone.
“Sameness” is the greatest deception the world puts in front of us. It’s easier, yes, and taking that path is much more appealing than the narrow one (Matthew 7:13-14).
But does that really appeal to your inner desires? Is it truly the path to find out who you are and what you can become?
I guess we all need to answer that question on our own.
